Friday, October 28, 2022

Everybody Be Thievin'

🎧 Panthers Gotta Panth

Word on the street was that starting today, McDonald's would be using Boo Buckets instead of boxes for all Happy Meals until Halloween is over. So of course, Kitty and I had to stop there to pick up lunch, because that's clearly how grown-ups make nutritional decisions. Plus, what self-respecting Gen X or mid-Millennial doesn't want that nostalgia fix?

The stupid McDonald's in my stupid little town did not have Boo Buckets. How could they cheat us this way?!? As we were both reaching for our passports to enter conflict-riddled Hangrylandistan, we threw our principles out the window like litterbugs of yesteryear and wolfed our chow down. We may have bitched uselessly to each other about how robbed we were feeling, but in our family, that's called first-world mother-daughter time and we like it that way.

One of us also likes getting things free and was somewhat mollifed by winning a L'il Donut. Seriously, it's that easy to change my mood. Cautious as ever, I placed my winning ticket on the high-tech webcam blocker on my laptop and proceeded to answer emails in the way a laptop's meant to be used -- with it sitting on my lap as I put my feet up and got comfy on the couch. 

As it goes when you're living large, there's always some joker who wants to grab some of what you got, and today was no different on the sinister Mean Street. 

This cheeky dude with the eye contact....

He moved ever so slowly, as though with his stealthy skill he could glamour me into not seeing him victimizing me from half an arm's length away. 
(That's two hind legs for those who need Felinian translation.) 

Upon hearing me utter, "Halt, you fiend!" he did, but he wasn't happy about it.

Then he played possum for so long, I understood how his kind are so successful at stalking their prey. His posture oozed gaslighting indifference.

"That's right," said Moi. "You sit there and think about what you've done." He put on a remarkable show of stoically pretending he was actually experiencing remorse even though everyone knows cats have zero fux to give. 

The boy's got game but he's still not getting my donut. Paws off.